Inspiration.

With your eyes wide open

As of today I am putting a few changes in to place. I just need to decide on a plan of action as I appear to be floundering a little at the minute. I have some real big plans, both education and life wise, in this little head of mine right now that I need to make happen! I just need to be realistic about things. The only problem is I'm not exactly a realist now am I?! My mind is always getting carried away in unimaginable dreams and fantasies. I guess that's a good thing though, having dreams just means you're always going to be working/trying that little bit harder in a feeble attempt to make them happen. Its the first time in a long time Ive felt like I'm actually going anywhere so I'm getting a little ahead of myself. I guess I'm just excited at the prospect of perhaps finding a new direction in life and getting away from this place.

Gaga for I-D magazine.

We sink so far down.

Massive creative block going on and it really is making me miserable now. I'm fed up of creating myself unachievable goals and having to go through that horrible feeling of disappointment every time I don't make them. I don't even know why its bothering me so much. Though its not really bothering me, its just so frustrating! I have all the thoughts in my head I just can't get them across or make them work! You know that feeling where you're bashing your head against a brick wall repeatedly? Well yes basically. I think its about time I realized I can't do everything alone. One of the downfalls of being a stubborn little mare is I'm constantly too proud to ask for help though! Gahhhh.
In other news I currently have a right little cocktail of emotions swimming around in my head. Relief, amusement, fear, sadness, fear, delight, fear, anger, fear, happiness, fear, fear, fear! For someone who isn't scared of much I'm feeling an awful amount of fear right now! I'd love to know where this has all sprung up from, I just can't seem to get to the root of it. I guess you can't blame me for expecting the worst with the last few weeks I've had. Though is that really an excuse? I think my biggest problem is that anytime a tiny bit of good comes into my life my immediate thought is 'whats the catch?' and you really can't blame me with my bloody history! Its not like I've even had a particularly large amount of unfortunate luck. I just seem to be set in this mind frame that if I expect the worst I wont be disappointed. Cause you see that's what I'm scared of, that this new found happiness is going to go away. The thing is though with all this fucking 'fear' floating about I'm not even getting a chance to enjoy the happiness! Sort it out Brumbers, sort it out!

Inspiration.

A little bit of sleep deprivation but a whole lot of love!

 There is so much going on in my head this week that I'm finding it hard to rationalize it all. I don't really understand my intentions to be honest. I'm just going to keep progressing towards my destination and hopefully things will fall into place on their own and I'll eventually get there! I never give too much away do I? Ha, annoying. Well, so far this week I've had about 5 billion deadlines and a few more next week too! I'm pretty bad with deadlines, I've never been a follow the rules kind of person, I like doing it my way and getting it done in my own time. Sadly that's not know as realistic in the real world so I'm basically rushing to get all my work done last minute. Good plan, good plan. I've been working ever so hard lately and it's definitely time for a little bit of play come the Christmas holidays. I think I deserve it to be honest! Already got a few plans with the girls when they're back that I'm rather looking forward to. Just need to make a few more and keep myself busy. Everything is still all fine, dandy and sparkly so lets hope it stays this way! Just need to up the fun factor a bit more and everything will be pretty peachy!

Inspiration.

Well my darlings

It's been a while! I have a million and one deadlines coming up next week though and I've literally had no free time! I have to admit I'm quite enjoying being rushed off me feet though. I'm feeling very upbeat at the minute actually. A nice change. Usually I'd be completely stressed out and a total wreck in my current situation, but I have to admit I'm coping rather nicely. I guess I'm growing up. I'm getting a lot of inspiration coming my way in the form of new faces at the minute and it's so so lovely! I've never been a social butterfly as such but I'm really enjoying getting to mix with new people, though I still miss all my littler darlings who abandoned me for uni. I don't really have anything to update you with at the minute as the last few weeks have literally consisted of college work and Toby, but I have some real big plans for the near future so I shall keep you updated and try not to be such a shit little blogger in the future. 
Take care!