Massive creative block going on and it really is making me miserable now. I'm fed up of creating myself unachievable goals and having to go through that horrible feeling of disappointment every time I don't make them. I don't even know why its bothering me so much. Though its not really bothering me, its just so frustrating! I have all the thoughts in my head I just can't get them across or make them work! You know that feeling where you're bashing your head against a brick wall repeatedly? Well yes basically. I think its about time I realized I can't do everything alone. One of the downfalls of being a stubborn little mare is I'm constantly too proud to ask for help though! Gahhhh.
In other news I currently have a right little cocktail of emotions swimming around in my head. Relief, amusement, fear, sadness, fear, delight, fear, anger, fear, happiness, fear, fear, fear! For someone who isn't scared of much I'm feeling an awful amount of fear right now! I'd love to know where this has all sprung up from, I just can't seem to get to the root of it. I guess you can't blame me for expecting the worst with the last few weeks I've had. Though is that really an excuse? I think my biggest problem is that anytime a tiny bit of good comes into my life my immediate thought is 'whats the catch?' and you really can't blame me with my bloody history! Its not like I've even had a particularly large amount of unfortunate luck. I just seem to be set in this mind frame that if I expect the worst I wont be disappointed. Cause you see that's what I'm scared of, that this new found happiness is going to go away. The thing is though with all this fucking 'fear' floating about I'm not even getting a chance to enjoy the happiness! Sort it out Brumbers, sort it out!
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